Sorry I'm sick

I feel like I haven't had a clever thought in my head for so long. The only thing I have in my head is inflamed sinuses. And mucus. Nice huh. My brain has gone away somewhere to leave room. My brain was way to polite when the virus said: this head is not big enough for the both of us.

When it comes to art I haven't felt creative in what feels like an eternity. A friend asked me: maybe you don't want to dance anymore? Of course I do!! It's just so draining to get the flue from hell that decides to stay all winter and evolve into different side sicknesses.
It's tough to come back. Especially when you're still sick. (bitter unhearable mumbling)

I've always, in periods, been battling with a low immune defense. Being sick is not part of who I am. Being sick is what always has been in the way of me trying to live my life.
You can't probably even start to imagine what I had to put up with because of it. Now I'm not talking about the actual endless colds and flues. I'm talking about peoples attitudes. They have been able to make me feel guilty, that I'm at fault, made me blame myself. Made me feel worthless and useless or even worse just plain lazy. Last year I realized something that was a big revelation to me. A friend of mine visited me from Sweden. We talked about this. She mentioned that people around you tell you you need to watch what you're eating and how you're sleeping etc. Like it's your fault and that you've just been too stupid to change it. I yelled yes and then I was quiet. Because not only have people been telling me this, I've also believed it. Constantly trying to change things in my life because obviously I've been doing something wrong, I've thought, since it's still been there, all the endless colds. I've been blaming myself. No matter how many doctors that have explained to me that even though it sucks I have a low immune defence and there's sadly nothing to do about it. Of course eating healthy, sleeping well and exersicing is going to make your body as strong as possible, just like any others, but it's not going to amazingly heal you.
I guess I just have to accept it and work with it or around it rather. That in periods of my life this will be the reality and I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do to change it. Even if I would like to.
Except if you don't feel like buying me a vacation to a relaxing ocean beach every now and then, or pay me to do it fulltime?? No?
Because I've noticed that actually does wonders for my health 