A good new year...

I'm unpacking boxes, sorting through a lot of stuff. The more I do the more I realize how much there is that needs to be done. The ever growing to do list. The metaphor to real life is inevitable.
I am really hoping for a good 2012 for all of us. I believe it will be a better year than last. Anyone that knows me well know that that's not a hard task... Statistically very very likely.
It scared me too. Am I ready to be happy? After a few days of contemplating I realized the answer is no. But I'm finally ready to be sad. Last year was the year it all happened. Where I lost so much. This is the year to grieve. To improve. To go forward. I'm finally ready to be sad. I don't need to distract myself, numb myself, anymore. I'm ready to feel pain. I'm ready to work through it. Last year I wasn't. It was too much to bear, too overwhelming to feel. The fear took me to even darker places but it's where I had to go in order to see where that small spark of light could be. Now I'm gonna bite down. Feel that pain. It's not going to be easy. Not going to be fun. I'm not going to be happy. Because this is not the year to be happy. This is the year to BECOME happy.

Please support me through this process. Be my friend. ...I'm talking as much to myself as to anyone else.