Please please please let it be warm sunny weather on Sunday! I really wanna go to the beach! I need it! To store some energy and health :) from relaxation and cleansing water. Warmed up muscles ready for a crazy dance week next week.
Beach and dance. That is a perfect summer! So crossing my fingers.

Forecast told thunderstorms in the beginning of this week but now it looks like it's gonna go my way =)

Figured out I can text posts from my phone. Guess if that's easier for me!! I'm a textaddict ;) so now you can expect more frequent updates from me, he he.

Messed up sleeping hours or not, this is going to be a good evening!
First ballet class and then dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. They have the best pizzas in the city! It's called Piola, located on 12th street between University and Broadway. Yummy :)

At night I own myself

The good thing about not being able to sleep at night is that I rediscover so many old things I like to do. All those small hobbies there's no time for during the day, because then I need to pay attention to the forever growing to do list. Not even in the "city that never sleeps" can all that be done during the night.

This is something I miss by Sweden. The boredom. The restlessness. The silence when the day ends early and everybody can, without the need of an excuse, curl up in solitude with their books or hobbies. All the stores are closed. All customer service business hours are over.

I could have it like that here too. But there's too many things I want to do! And so many things I need to do.

At night though, I own myself.

My thoughts have room to echo.

My brain can clearer hear my hearts whispers that are drenched and suffocated by the days brightness.

Even though it's mixed with anxiety for how I'll manage the next day, it's such a relief to have my quiet nights.

Another rainy night

Since I've been bad at writing...

...I'll start posting my photos instead =)

Any suggestions??

I have so much trouble falling asleep at night. My body takes so long to end the day. Sometimes I'm worrying and stressing, and the thoughts keep me from surrendering to sleep. Often I'm just too excited about the simple things in life and I want it to be the next day NOW so I can take that dance class or cook that dinner or see that friend or take those photos. Or my mind is writing in my head, if I would give after I would take notes every ten minutes all night. If I was a writer I could give in to that. Now I'm a dancer and it's physical and I need my sleep!

Anyone having any ideas about what I could do? Would appreciate any suggestions.
I don't want sleeping pills, I'm so sensitive to that and don't want to be drowsy the next day.

I hate it...

When people think I'm stupid because I have an accent.
When people think I'm stupid because I'm a young woman.
When people think I'm stupid because I'm blond.
When people think I'm stupid because I'm a dancer.
When people think I'm stupid because I'm leftwinged.
When people think I'm stupid because I like to laugh.

I might be stupid...but not for any of those reasons.
To be leftwinged, to dance, to speak another language, and to let myself laugh is smart choices I'm proud of.
To be a woman is not my choice but I'm still proud over it.
Being blond, well I don't spend much thoughts on that, it just looks.

Sorry I'm sick

I feel like I haven't had a clever thought in my head for so long. The only thing I have in my head is inflamed sinuses. And mucus. Nice huh. My brain has gone away somewhere to leave room. My brain was way to polite when the virus said: this head is not big enough for the both of us.

When it comes to art I haven't felt creative in what feels like an eternity. A friend asked me: maybe you don't want to dance anymore? Of course I do!! It's just so draining to get the flue from hell that decides to stay all winter and evolve into different side sicknesses.
It's tough to come back. Especially when you're still sick. (bitter unhearable mumbling)

I've always, in periods, been battling with a low immune defense. Being sick is not part of who I am. Being sick is what always has been in the way of me trying to live my life.
You can't probably even start to imagine what I had to put up with because of it. Now I'm not talking about the actual endless colds and flues. I'm talking about peoples attitudes. They have been able to make me feel guilty, that I'm at fault, made me blame myself. Made me feel worthless and useless or even worse just plain lazy. Last year I realized something that was a big revelation to me. A friend of mine visited me from Sweden. We talked about this. She mentioned that people around you tell you you need to watch what you're eating and how you're sleeping etc. Like it's your fault and that you've just been too stupid to change it. I yelled yes and then I was quiet. Because not only have people been telling me this, I've also believed it. Constantly trying to change things in my life because obviously I've been doing something wrong, I've thought, since it's still been there, all the endless colds. I've been blaming myself. No matter how many doctors that have explained to me that even though it sucks I have a low immune defence and there's sadly nothing to do about it. Of course eating healthy, sleeping well and exersicing is going to make your body as strong as possible, just like any others, but it's not going to amazingly heal you.
I guess I just have to accept it and work with it or around it rather. That in periods of my life this will be the reality and I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do to change it. Even if I would like to.
Except if you don't feel like buying me a vacation to a relaxing ocean beach every now and then, or pay me to do it fulltime?? No?
Because I've noticed that actually does wonders for my health 

Sick of being sick.

If I'm sick one more day I'll sue someone.
Any ideas of who that should be?

A thought that started from a Facebook conversation

On facebook I admitted that I've eaten tiramisu instead of semla today. How unconventional. How unswedish of me. Sorry.

Understandably a non-swedish friend asked what a semla is.

Semla is a swedish bun with some kind of marzipan and whipped cream. To be eaten today only on the day we call fat tuesday. (Or Mardi Gras here in the US...)
It sounded so weird when I started to think about it. Then again, it occurred to me, we're the same people that dance like frogs around a huge fallos symbol on midsummer.

Maybe it actually makes sense though to eat something fat and sweet right before fast...

But still, traditions sounds so insane when you try to explain. At least swedish ones. The traditions I've been exposed to from other countries have all made sense in some way or another. Maybe they have known how to select what to share well. Or maybe I'm just more self critical.

Is there any other country in the world that celebrate name's days?
In Sweden almost every date have one, two or sometimes three names that are celebrated that day only, every year. Too bad for the people with rare names.
Some just get a congrats. Some take the opportunity to celebrate with a cake or maybe a good dinner. Others even get gifts. Just to celebrate what you are called.
But I'm all for that view point that every reason to celebrate is a good reason.
Appreciate the small things in life and especially the great ones. Take the opportunity to be happy or even grateful, take the opportunity to pamper the ones we care about.
Swedes are a lot about that I think. That's why in Sweden we celebrate christmas until easter. But that's not true. Because in between there's the fast. Ha ha ha I'm lying, but that's the lyrics to an old christmas song we sang as kids dancing around the christmas tree. We're obviously a people with ring dance traditions. We do celebrate christmas in 20 days though. Most families maybe cheat on that one...but on the 20th day you're "supposed" to get rid of the last christmas cookies and throw out the christmas tree.

Do we have any other weird traditions? What odd traditions do other countries have? Speaking of that, can anyone explain to me how you actually celebrate Mardi Gras here in the US??

An Oscar to most realistic played illness. Hah. (?)

So I've been knocked out by a sinus infection that must have looked something like this; ( Googled monster and found this picture at http://macmcrae.com/?tag=monster)

At least it seemed as happy and energetic to suck out all the energy from me. It feels like I've been in a coma for weeks. With occasional moments of wakeness. Though not nearly as cute as this monster you get the idea...it was nasty and boring and frustrating instead.
Then I got antibiotics that killed the half ounce of energy that was left in me.
Hopefully it knocked out the sinus infection while it was at it... but my sinuses still hurts and seem to have inflamed my jaw too! Some energy is coming back though yooohooo! ...Maybe. We'll see. If I collapse for days after today's dance class.

Ok now I'm (maybe) done complaining!

So now I don't have much to say. Because that's been my life for weeks. So boring am I.
Except that I'm questioning everything. As usual. Where to start? ;)
Why narrow it done to relevant things? That would be too obvious.

Everybody else is buzzing about the Oscars. Sorry, but I don't care much.
I've spent my half sitting/ half lying days in the couch or bed playing my ps3 I got for my birthday. So much fun! I would have traded it for energy to take a dance class any time but even if the ps3 didn't win the Oscar for most desired activity it was clearly nominated and took a secure second place.
It's ok I dare to say it because my ps3 already knows how loved it is by me, along with my wii, my camera and my iphone. None of them read my blog either. Oh, except my iPhone...
I'm materialistic. Things and money definitely buys me happiness. Anything else would be a lie. Lots and lots of money would make life so much simpler. Even though I'm sure other problems come with it.
Yet I'm willing to sacrifice all the money I've could have earned if I chose a different career. Because after all some things in life makes me happier than any game console. Like friends and family, being creative, and being fortunate enough to be able to move my body: to dance, or to swim in the ocean. Sadly to keep up all that a certain amount of money is still needed. That's life. As we know it.