Genus...

Hoppas ni ursaktar avsaknaden av svenska bokstaverna!
Men var bara tvungen att skriva anda!
Kollade in pa aftonbladet idag och laste bl.a. det har: http://www.aftonbladet.se/wendela/barn/article4033843.ab

Sag ocksa kommentarerna...
Tex:
"Amasius, 53 år, Idag 15:13
Pedagogik är läran om utbildning, framför allt av barn. Inte VAD man lär ut. Det är alltså bara frågan om subjektivt tyckande om man ska motarbeta könsrollerna inom utbildningen. Har inte ett smack med vetenskap att göra. Genus"forskningen" saknar oftast helt ett biologiskt evolutionärt perspektiv på den biologiska företeelsen kön. Därför måste man betrakta den som pseudovetenskap. "

Ja sa som det ar nu nar killar och tjejer behandlas olika p.g.a. kon, DET daremot ar en etablerad vetenskap! Att agera pa det satt man nu gor ar objektivt medan att agera pa ett nytt satt ar subjektivt. Nej jag koper inte den logiken!
Och du, ar korvforsaljning verkligen en etablerad vetenskap? Nej, jag tror inte det, vi maste avskaffa korvforsaljare nu!
Helt seriost, med Amasius resonemang maste ju all granskning avskaffas for att det bara handlar om ett subjektivt tyckande.
Jag trodde att genusforskning handlade om miljons inverkan pa individen bland annat. Men detta ar ingen vetenskap medan laran om utbildning ar? Vad ar utbildning om inte inverkan pa en individ utifran?
Ja ja aven om (bara for diskussionens sak) Amasius skulle ha ratt med sitt resonnemang, jaha det ar ingen vetenskap: OCH?? Bara enormt viktigt for att uppna ett jamlikare samhalle.


Poposhka, 33 år beklagar sig pa detta satt: "Problemet med Genuspedagoger är att det är ett yrke som är skapat för ett väldigt specifikt syfte: Att framföra teserna av radikal feminism i samhället. Det finns inga "moderata" genuspedagoger därför att en genuspedagog är av definition radikal."

Ja huvva...jamstalldhet, vilket trams va.
Om Poposhka med moderat menar den partipolitiska syftningen har jag ett forslag! Kan vi inte infora kvotering for yrkesroller? Om det inte finns ett antal moderater inom ett yrke far detta inte anses som ett riktigt yrke! Stralande ide om jag far saga det sjalv.

Manga som motsatter sig feminism vet inte ens vad det ar. Manga som uttalat sig i liknande situationer verkar inte ens ha forstatt att feminism star for jamstalldhet. Att kvinnor inte skall diskrimineras p.g.a. sitt kon. Motsatter man sig detta sa motsatter man sig i praktiken manniskors lika varde: motsatter sig jamlikhet.
Sa baserat pa dessa kommentarer fran Amasius och Poposhka sa far man heller inte motverka rasism. Eller annan diskrimeniring. For det ar ju ett TYCKANDE och ingen vetenskap.

Sa vi kan ju fostra nassar pa ett dagis och forsoker nagon ingripa sa ska jag havda att kritiken bara ar ett tyckande, och ett radikalt sadant, sa det gar ju inte att tas pa allvar.

Ni far ursakta min ironi men jag far ju dumslag snart.
Nu ska jag sluta skriva innan jag kvavs av all denna dumhet och inskrankthet som verkar rada. Aaargh.

Helgmelankoli

Min Dator vill inte. Men jag vill skriva.

Nysnö, djupsnö. Lappvantar. Skare. Tö. Slask. Kramsnö.

Den har inte kommit än.
Men hur förklarar jag känslan utan orden?

Jag dansar.

Singlande flingor under gatlyktan i den isolerande tystnaden, mörkret känns bländande vitt... den inbäddande ensamheten är för vacker i sig för att uttryckas istället för att upplevas.

Jag vill. Men mina papper vill inte. Släppa ut mig från byråkratins labyrinter innan jag hittat ut alldeles själv. Och ja, innan jag hittat ut har jag nog hunnit bli väldigt ensam.

Allt enligt den norländska folksjälen.
Ger du dig ut på äventyr blir du mycket ensam. Nej du ska stanna där du kommer ifrån. Långt inne i granskogen finns tryggheten. Ensam ja, men det förblir du ju ändå... Där har du ju ändå tystnaden som sällskap, som stämmer överens med ditt hjärtas djup.
Det finns en anledning till att sjöar är grundare än havet.

Jag bodde där mitt i vidskepelsernas hemligaste nav. Där människorna tryckte på och störde för att slå sig till ro.

Det jag minns är inte så mycket lektioner och bullbak. Det jag minns är förutom supermario och snuviga kulspel och hopprep mest en saga om det kurvade trädet, granen jag kunde gömma mig under, snåret där det växte ljung, skogsdungen där jag begravde mina grodor och olyckliga grodyngel i tändsticksaskar, sjön som frös om vintrarna och badades i om somrarna, kullarna där vi tumlade runt i snön nerför backen, de stackars björkarna som var allt från hus till gungor, alla tusen snöänglar och snölyktor och snökojor, flotten vi försökte bygga i dammen och så starkt minns jag dessa byggarbetsplatser vi absolut inte fick vara på men som vi byggde en hel värld i.
Sedan minns jag branden som vi visste skulle komma och på nåt sätt var barndomen över men till min förvåning fortsatte sagorna att viska.

Hate Love???

There's so much hate in this world. There's wars. There's starvation. There's poverty. There's violence. There's disasters and accidents.
There's so much to improve. There's so much we could do. There's so much that needs attention.
With all this hate in the world, I cannot see how anyone can put their energy to fight love. To object to those few people that just want to be with the person they love and who loves them back.
With all this hate in the world how can anyone waste their mind and energy to work against gay love?

You may or may not disagree of who anybody else loves but HOW can you take time from everything else to fight against LOVE?
I do NOT see that as one of our world's biggest problem, but as the opposite.
Love is this world's most beautiful thing and belongs to the lucky.

Make your choice of how you want this world to be.

The name Hussein

It's so scary.
The racism that's spreading in this country.
I've seen arguments online, well let me give you a quote: (the republicans) "elects a president who orders the capture and death of a hussein and comes through...your jackass democratic party elects a man named hussein to replace him."

People are not talking politics anymore. They are hating.
They're basically claiming that if you have a common name as Hussein you must be a bad person since you have the same name as Saddam Hussein. Where's the logic in this?

Obamas name Hussein been argued before. If you google "the name Hussein" you get a lot of hits referring to Obama. And also this information:
HUSSEIN (hu- SAYN)
Meaning: "Good Boy, Good Looking Boy"
Origin: Arabic
Both African and Arabic usage and has several variations in spelling.

So if a dictator happened to be greek and named Sofia, that would mean that I'm an evil person? I don't think it even means that all greeks are bad people. And I can not by any means see the connection that all swedish people would be evil? Because there is a lot of swedish people named Sofia. And that is the kind of (lack of) logic that's being argued here.

Worth noting

CNN says:
Number of votes cast set record, but voter turnout percentage didn't

About 127 million votes cast, shattering 2004 record by at least 4.3 million votes.
Turnout percentage about 61 percent, compared with 1960's 67 percent.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/06/voter.turnout/index.html?eref=rss_latest

Hope...

Yesterday morning I faced the streets in NYC with a different perspective. People were smiling and calmer than usual. There was excitement in the air.

At night the empire state building was shining in all blue colors. A dad tried to explain to his daughter that it was because Barack Obama won the election, that his party, the democrats' color was blue. She said: "Or maybe it's because Obama's favourite color is blue!"

Dance teachers at class are joking about it. "Yes we can" and "change we can believe in" are frequently used ;)

A lot of people really have been given hope. This city is now breathing hope and expectations, with a bad after taste caused by some bitter republicans that take every opportunity to call Obama and his supporters bad names.

Yes we can!

Reflections of the election

For the first time since I moved here, I'm proud to live in this country. America IS great. But before this election a lot of bad, stupid and evil decisions have been made.

As a Swedish person with a big interest in this election I've gotten a lot of reactions. Many are surprised that I care. Some say that I always have Sweden so it shouldn't really matter to me, I could just move back there.

But it's not that easy. I've been living here for around five years, or is it soon six? I'm starting to build a life here. I've been living most of my adult life in this country. New York is now the place where I feel at home the most. My mom's home will always be the big "HOME", forever, because of my family. But the city and country and people that I feel most connected to is right here. This is what I live and understand now. So it's been frustrating to feel that this decision was totally out of my hands. I got no right to vote. Even though it's affecting me and my life here.

It's true though that I have the luxury to turn to Sweden if things get too hard here. It feels safe beyond words and I will always love Sweden for it's well fare, it's nature and beauty.

Those words that were used in this campaign. I'm finally realizing what it means in reality. On a personal level. For the first time I feel hope for this country. I feel hope for my life here. Some of the stress I had about going back to Sweden when it's time for kids, when I'm getting older, is finally starting to release it's grip around me. Maybe now I would actually dare to stay here where I have my life, my friends, my home. I feel hope. I feel safer. Maybe I can, yes I can ;)

(As long as frequent long trips to Sweden is possible, because being far from my family is terrifying and draining and I need them!)

The speech yesterday...I got tears in my eyes. We did it!! We really did it!! I helped the best way I could, by spreading my opinion. Big thanks to all those who got out and voted for Obama, thank you thank you thank you!

I know Americans who used to be ashamed when they traveled abroad. They wanted a big shirt declaring: I did NOT vote for Bush! Well, not anymore, now you can be proud again!

I heard a lot of weird reactions from republicans all day yesterday.

Here's a quote from a reply to me in an online discussion I took part in: "You see...you're an idealist. Idealists have all kinds of lofty goals for themselves and for everyone else, and while admirable (eliminating poverty, ending domestic and international violence, etc) sounds great, it's just not going to happen. Oh, and it's obvious you adhere to Socialist principles too (=ultra-left-wing Yahoo!!!!), which makes any statement you make utterly ridiculous and dismissible as insanity. I can care less what someone like you thinks of what I think, because your views are so far outside of the scope of plausibility, it's LAUGHABLE.."

Well since he think left wings are so laughable, I wished him a good laughter when Obama wins. =)

This is another of his lovely quotes: "What a bunch of baby whiners you dirty libs are! While you spend your life wasting your vote on vainly trying to cure all of society's ills, I'll put mine to good, constructive use that can benefit me"

(If he wants to get credit for his words I'll put his name here but not without his permission since it's taken from a somewhat closed community.)

I'm glad that the conversation turned around so we could discuss actual politics again but it's interesting to read his upset reaction to my political opinions. Because I think it's not only frustration from somebody that felt they were on their way to lose, but I also think that it comes from a big fear that this might be a way of thinking that's going to start to die out soon. Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I AM optimistic now!

Other insane things I heard from the republicans were the comparison between Obama and, of all people, Hitler!! I got told this has been an argument from the right wing through out the campaign, but it hasn't come across me until this last week. (NY is not a state that either party really cares about because it's always so obvious they will vote for the democrats)

This comparison upsets me! Why not call him for what he really is? A charismatic leader and a great speaker!! Does that make you Hitler? Was Jesus like Hitler?? Is Dalai Lama like Hitler? Come on...if that's the best you can do I'm not surprised you lost the election!!

Thank you all american voters!

I'm almost out of words right now...
I'm so happy.
I'm grateful to all American voters! Thank you!
We just popped a bottle of wine open, celebrating, me and my friends.
This is something to celebrate!

On my facebook status I wrote: Sofia is happy and grateful to all voting Americans.
Already got hate mail.
So the republicans seems pissed. Disappointed.
I can't blame them. ...But didn't they really see this coming?

None of my friends dared to utter the words until it was definite, damaged from earlier election nightmares!
But I'm not surprised. Just very very happy!
This country needed change! This country has been in crisis.

Ooooh, now I need to watch the acceptance speech!
SOOOO HAPPY =D
Time to celebrate!


CONGRATS AMERICA!

Politics...

John McCain wants to change Washington. Barack Obama wants to change the country.

It means something more than the obvious. McCain's focus is on the people with power, the people with money. Obama's focus is on all of us.

I come from a country where taxes have made the difference, they have made it possible to achieve more equality and more quality that the entire country benefits from. I can not understand the objection and selfishness that I hear about, the reaction from the rich that want to "keep their own money" that they earn. Don't they see that what they get back is worth more than what they will pay in taxes? Not only because it's so important that you can't value it in money but also because you get your money's worth literally. Health care and education for everybody does not only cost less for everyone compared to how much it would cost when it's every man for himself. The benefits of a well being country will also benefit the wealthy. The surroundings and the environment for yourself, for your kids, for everyone. When you have an entire country's good in mind it's good for, exactly: everyone! Equality benefits us all, because it gives us all a priceless quality of life.

Election...

I want to write about the election. I feel like i should write about the election.
But honestly... have this uncomfortable feeling that it's not much to say.
For me it's so obvious. Obama over McCain any day. Not only because it's the better choice of the two. But to me it's not about who would be the better president in the case of an emergency, which seems to be a common angle to look at this thing from.
I see a country that so badly needs attention drawn to the real problems, the actual cause! Not only a lot of dwelling about the symptoms.
I see a country which is slow.
The US like to think at itself as the leading country and with that comes an assumption that they're ahead of the rest of the world. That attitude lead countries as Sweden to fully buy that lie. Sweden is starting to regress while thinking it's advancing when Sweden really backing up just to follow in the footsteps of the states.
The US seem to think that the outside world is a threat. The world isn't a place where we could get suggestions, ideas, see how experiments turn out and take advices from. No the outside world is a far away place that we need to keep far away. So called "new" ideas has to come from inside the country. Everything else is either terrorism or communism.
Maybe I'm harsh. Maybe.

This country suffered tremendously under the reign of George Bush. A president most people in this country did not want.
If you think George Bush was bad...to choose John McCain is not only a step in the same direction, it's a continuation of the destruction of this country.
Those things that you might think have developed in this country during the last hundred years is now in danger. For example, this country wasn't ready for a female president, but do we have to back up so far that the woman is going to lose the right to her own body again?

The presidential debates touches these things but not more. I want more passion, more sincerity, about the real issues at stake. This country badly needs equality! And how can we achieve that? By healthcare for everybody! By more balanced taxes, that will not be wasted on an oil war. By education!!!
I could go on forever but what I'm interested in is the politicians going on instead! And the people listening.

People around me here in New York are listening. They're hoping and praying for change. While seeing the country falling apart around them, they're dreaming, wishing so tenderly, about the day when Obama becomes our president.

As my dance teacher said at class:
We were dancing to a song with light plingy music. She asked if we listened to the music, did we feel the lightness, the happiness. She wanted us to capture that more in our movement. She said: Dance like it's the day when Obama just won the election!

While so many within the art world trying to hide the direct political messeges, trying to be more general, it's uplifting to hear those who speak their mind and openly stand for their opinions. And as it seems, speaking for many of us. Do I have to mention that my teachers advice in class really worked? =)

Hmmm...yikes

Recently I went to Newark Airport to say goodbye to a friend. Then I went home and watched the Final Destination movies. I'm really happy I didn't do it the other way around...
I will explain...

For you who don't know, Final destination, Final Destination 2 and Final Destination 3, are crappy movies about different accidental gruesome deaths, all starting with visions and foretelling signs of a huge accident.

Anyways, this is the picture I took on the air train:

Electronics

My electronics are starting to fall apart...all at once. So annoying. I love my little thingys...

My digital camera is giving me problems again. (Acting like it's out of batteries even when they're brand new.) I smashed the touch screen on my Nintendo DS. Aoch. So unnecessary.

Nothing is wrong with my phone except that I changed to a new skin. Just see through plastic. I'm usually good at those things but oh no so horrible this got! Bubbles and fingerprints and not pretty at all.



This is so not real problems, I know.

But it's those little things that have made me feel luxurious, that has entertained me and actually been giving me some happiness. It's not only mindless entertainment. The camera as a tool to create art, the ds as a tool in practicing my Spanish. My toys...that I now miss to play with.



But not to worry, I can still spoil myself with my wii at home =)

Notes...

I suck at this. Haven't written in so long. So now everything wants to come out at once. I've been busy, trying to get my life together, and it's been going somewhat well =) but therefor I haven't had any time to write. Don't tonight either. Gotta sleep!! Early morning tmrw but god knows I could easily stay up all night but no no, got rehearsal tomorrow and more important than giving after to all the urges for things I want to get done!

Do you want my mental notes in the meantime? Hockey comparison, obvious election, reaching. Yeah not so interesting like that. I'll try to get to the real thing soon instead, sounds good?

Jag saknar att skriva på svenska. (I miss writing in Swedish)
But blogging is good. To have a blog makes me more inclined to actually write! I don't want it to die out, nope! Thinking about making this blog even more personal...yes, no?
I've been cleaning out my house lately. Just gutting out every shelf and drawer to reorganize. No fancy new furniture or painting or anything, just a reevaluation of my system. I'm a little bit ocd maybe. LOVE it when everything is perfectly organised. Papers in folders. Folders in cases. Cases on shelf. With door. Wow. I hope the wellprotectedness doesn't say something about my personality. Or why not.
Back to the subject of Swedish. I was in the belly of a Swedishspeaking mom. I've been very talkative all my life. Which I mostly lived in Sweden. Been writing a lot, been studying as well, in Swedish. So how come when I go through some papers and find an old recipe, I stare at the word "basilika" and can not understand what it means. It's a recipe, so I know it's a spice. But it was only the similarity to the English word that led me to the conclusion it meant basil.

It has happened to me before. That I stared at a common Swedish word and even though I slowly can figure out what it means I still didn't find the feeling for the word, feeling what it meant, like how I do with most other words.
I speak Swedish almost every day here. Or at least every other. Or third. Or something like that. But it's so accepted to just use the English word instead when that's what comes up first in my head.

I feel a bit stupid. It shouldn't be so hard to speak (read) my first language fluently! Especially not as it's almost the only language I spoke for my first 20 years!!! It feels slightly scary since I know I could never be as good at English as I am in Swedish.
I guess the reason is that I never get put in Swedish situations. In the store, on the phone, at the street, on the subway, at class, it's always English. Swedish I only speak with friends. When we chose to not speak English to each other.
I should read more Swedish books again!!

And speaking of should...I should be writing my bio now instead of this! (Not the book, that comes later ;) just a short thing for school) Now it's too late, gotta sleep.

Thanks for reading.
Will write more soon.

When I was little I was a smart girl. I realized things before I learned them. I realized things that I later experienced were true.
But I feel like the older I get...the more stupid I get. Things I was so sure of when I was a kid, I now re-realize...after I've already made a mistake. Well it's life, you gotta live it too, not only know it. But still. I was hoping wisdom would come with age, but in my case it's mostly cynicism I've gained...
A friend recently said something that might be very true though...that cynicism gets dangerous first when you start to call it realism...
Well I hope I haven't fallen that far yet ;)
I don't know why I feel like I'm getting more and more stupid. I guess it might have to do with what's appreciated as knowledge in society. I'm not studying anything theoretical per say any more. Some anatomy and dance related things only. But a teacher told us today that research shows that the best thing you can do for your brain is...yes: dancing. Because it combines the physical movement of the body and the intellectual thinking.

Fall-ing

Dancing, actually turning, more dancing, Tiramisu, awake and happy, strange dreams, cooking food while writing now, soon dancing again, preparing for fall, aka Fall-ing.

Gonna be so nice with fall. I'll miss summer. Needed about two more weeks at the beach, but dancing all day, cuddle up with movies, lit candles, in a blanket, socks and legwarmers at night, sounds so cozy to me now.
Maybe dinners with friends, or sitting at a coffee shop talking away a few hours. (Anyone up for it?)

Tried to dress the blog in Sofian fall colors, did I succeed?

And then some personal notes:
Ida, I need more of our talks, had so much more I wanted to ask about your life now. Hope I'll really see you this christmas!
Jenna, I miss our dinners we used to have when we were neighbours, and I would love to visit you or you visit me!
And Liza... We have to talk very soon!

Gotta run now before the water boils over!

Evil eye

Woooaaahh

Am I bitter? Yes...

Just so typical, my luck.

Today I was supposed to dance like crazy... Instead I'm sitting at home with an eye that's extremly red and I'm worried, wondering what it could be.
It started two, three days ago, it hurt and was rinning and the white part of my eye wasn't white anymore but pink and red. (No gross gish though thankfully.)
To rest it has helped, I can open it fully now again, it doesn't hurt as much anymore and I'm starting to see some white parts of my eyeball now, yay.
If it's gets worse after dancing tomorrow I'll go to the doctor.
Let's hope today is gonna do the trick and I'll be fine by tomorrow morning, perfect!!

Sun and beach....

Vacation.... I need one more week! With nothing but clear water and fine sand =)

But once back in the city I did some touristing with my visiting friends and it didn't feel too bad to be back...

ESB in daylight and by night.

Sunset over New Jersey.

Central Park

Another green city park

YAY =D

Last week and the week before that I auditioned for a one year dance program. I found out that I got in right before I went on a mini vacation. Now, after spending time on a lovely beautiful beach with clear water and soft sand I'm back in the city, the program starts tomorrow morning and one of my favourite people in the entire world is here to visit from Sweden.
I'm so happy! But very busy =)

Logo

Yay!

I've figured out the logo for my dance company =) Haven't perfected it yet but I think I've came up with something unique enough. Idea, name, logo, it's slowly slowly coming perfectly together...maybe because my mind is so set? Well only the hard part left now: to actually make it happen! ;)

Dancing dancing dancing

Phew... Dancing like mad.
My throat starting to feel a bit sore though...I don't want to get sick!!! Don't have time. Bombing myself with vitamin C, heard it should help.

It's so lovely to dance! To move to sweat to work hard to make your body do these beautiful empowering movements, to have fun to be determined, to be focused... to verbalize the music as my teacher said, to express!

I'm rediscovering some insights, like how important it is to be confident. First of all it makes it look better, helps you to go into the next movement naturally. Second of all, who wants to see apologizing dance? Insecure small movements just looks awful... To take it fully out no matter how wrong you are makes it look better, feel better and the only way to finally push through to the next level.

It's hard to get back into dancing after an injury. My body has forgotten things that my brain knows too well, it makes me mad and frustrated at myself, which doesn't help me in any way. But it also gives me an opportunity to break old bad habits, to start over and begin to work even more technical. And to give myself some credit: it's only been going forward, I am getting better and better even if I'm far from satisfied and don't like what I see.
Think I've came to that point where I really have to remind myself that it's not only about being determined but also to have fun with it, be creative and put my own expression into the technical work I'm doing.

Aaaah it's so nice, the more I dance, the more energy I get, the more I want to dance! =) *HAPPY*

The hard part is only in the mornings when my body is tired from the 4 classes the day before...blach. But once there in class it feels so right, so fun and yeah still hard, but hard work and that feels good =)

Ok now I'm off to the last class for today!! (Where I'm probably gonna regret being so cheerful about it ha ha ha gonna be so tired)

Puddle

Yes! Sarah worded it perfectly! And thanks Ashlee for the great feedback =)

Here's a puddle:

City park...

Baseball for meee, and everyone!!

I got this linked to me, with the subject, "Baseball for Sofia" since I'm allergic to peanuts. But many of those comments kind of missed the point...

"This is a joke right? My son's 10 and allergic to peanuts, he knows not to eat them and always will ask a question. Peanut free zone, just plain stupid." -readi29

"If people are stupid enough to eat something they know they're allergic to then let them suffer the consequences. Why should the rest of us be deprived." -rezn8v

"Why not ban all food. People are allergic to other things besides peanuts. WTG Safeco, retards." -savage_30

There's a difference between other food allergies and peanut allergies, you see. As far as I know peanut allergy is the most severe allergy there is, at least among the top worst. It's deadly. But not only when eaten. Peanuts are very dry. This make the allergens air borne. Allergy to this is referred to as (you who often fly in the US might have come across this) "peanut dust allergy".
It's not as complicated as it first seems. It's works just like allergy against pollen! Or allergy against cigarette smoke.
If you breath in peanut dust it gets in your mouth or nose which cause an allergic reaction. I never would (or could) eat a peanut, but sitting around people eating peanuts could make me seriously ill.
I think it's great that public events create awareness of this! To not eat peanuts during those few hours cold not cause as much damage to anyone as the damage that it could make to eat peanuts next to an allergic person.
So to object against this seems very egoistic to me!
If it was the other way around I would without a problem not eat popcorn or whatever it could be, being well aware that I could easily go home and eat it if I wanted it.

But I suspect that those people that are objecting against this is the same kind of people that would smoke around others, even kids. Second hand smoking is harmful to everyone!! But of course especially those allergic to it.

Then I saw this post:

"Seriously, there are so many people with so many different deadly allergic reactions. I understand it's serious, but we cannot cater to every person's problem. Eventually people just need to learn how to adapt themselves to their problems and not expect everyone else to go without or change their ways for them. "
-Michelle P

Yes...Uhm...where should I start? First of all: People with wheelchairs? They just have to adapt to stairs? Of course we should live in a society where we make the utmost effort to try to adapt to each other. To make public events open to, exactly, the public, and not just a selected few lucky ones. Disabilities should be taken seriously. Especially when it's such a severe disability that could cause death!
And second of all: there are not that many different deadly allergic reactions, (unless you accidentally eat it yourself) maybe Michelle can tell me what she refers to?

Aaaaargh!

Gaaaaaaaaah! It hurts! ....And OMG I'm bleeding!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
I'm nauseous and it hurts and i'm bleeding.
But as a girl or woman I just have to pretend like nothing is happening. Go to school or work anyways. Even jump around and play and be sporty anyways if that's what was at the schedule for today.

If this happened to guys....I'm sure they would at least get paid time off from work for this.

There are women who have their period without any "side effects". But there are also women who's in pain. Who's so nauseous they can barely move. Women who have bad headaches, stomach aches, vagina aches.
And this they have to endure almost every month, year after year. Sure there are pills that help some. Others get depressed from them instead. Or angry or emotional. If that wasn't already the case without the pills.
But still there is an expectation to function as a "normal human being" in the mean time.

I will never know, but I'm just so convinced this is something that would have been treated differently if it was men who had to live with it.
For one thing it would have been more out in the open and more ok to talk about tampons and pads and the pain and even the blood.
I also believe that they probably would have gotten paid time off from work for this. And definitely the medical research around it would have been more founded and gotten so much further.

Maybe too little maybe too much

I think I'm afraid of writing. I've stopped writing. Used to do it so often so much. And now: almost nothing. It makes me sad. I miss it. But I just can't bring my self to it. And this thing with thinking in two languages (combined) sure doesn't help...

What's missing is motivation. Not to write...but to dare to write.



I have so many feelings, experienced or imagined, that I have a need to express. Some through dancing. Some through pictures of different kinds; painting, photos. But mostly, through words. But I don't know how to do it anymore. I think it's a fear. Of that what I have to say might not be important enough. Not interesting enough. Not fascinating, not particularly unique or maybe even not very true.



But I'm not aiming to write a fact-book. Just feelings. All over the place. Like a messy abstract painting. What's the story? I don't know... All I know is the characters and their lives and I want to share them with someone. These moments that together creates the pictures, just like life. Maybe what I'm looking for is somebody that wants to read what I've written. I want to write for the sake of writing, I wanna dance even if nobody is watching. But without an audience it doesn't really feel like art. Just some kind of, ha I don't know, maybe therapy?

Maybe it's the story that I'm looking for. The why and when. Not necessarily answered, but at least asked.

Maybe I'm not looking for anything at all. Maybe I've just waited too long, doubted myself too much.

Is it too late?

Adding some...

Ok now when I got out most of my aggressions ;) in the last post I would like to add some things.

Maybe there isn't any exceptions to the behaviour I was describing, maybe those were the exceptions to the general behaviour....?

And now when I've been thinking about it....maybe it's much more about how the Swedish guys sometimes act that annoys me, more than just any Swede.

Hmmmm...

And just as a disclaimer so not the wrong people get offended, I also met very nice Swedish people during Midsummer =)

Swedish Sweden

This weekend that just passed was the Swedish holiday Midsummer. If you haven't encountered it before here's a short description:

We make a big phallic symbol out of grass, which we raise into the the ground. Then we dance like frogs around it. This is a family event, we bring food and have a picnic. It's also an excuse to get drunk. (We always need one.)


A thought about being a Swede, and being amongst them, at parties:

I haven't been living in Sweden for about five years. So I'm slowly starting to forget certain things... like why was it that I didn't like big crowds of Swedes again?? I was actually looking forward to Midsummer this year, to see some countrymen, yay.
The picnic was really nice in the evening sun in Battery Park. Lots and lots of Swedish people on blankets, eating, drinking, talking.
We got invited to some house party after this.
Sure, friends of my friends, must be fun!
So there we were, in this nice apartment with mostly Swedish people.
Then it slowly came back to me....how Swedes can be....
I'm aware that I'm being very general here, feel free to object.
I'm sure they all are very nice people....but when together they fall back into Swedish behaviour. It's hard to explain but...I'll try.
They stand in clicks. Talking to those they already know.
I don't really get the point of throwing a party if you are totally uninterested in getting to know new people.
You try to talk to the Swedes, and they shrug their shoulders without a smile.
It could be shyness. This is a common excuse. So then to make up for this shyness....you don't really want to admit that you have this Swedish characteristic, do you, you have to act like it's really because you're so...cool?
Ok to give you an example: They had a pool table. Some guys started playing pool, and did most of the night. My friend wanted to join. That didn't seem like a good idea. They said...hmmm...I dunno...Are you any good then?
It's a party.
Where people are suppose to have fun. (I thought)
Does it really matter if you're good or not??

This is just small things but all together it becomes a pattern of behaviour that I recognize to well from Sweden.
Sometimes, I remember back from Sweden, there were sometimes almost an obsession with not getting across new people. If I would throw a birthday party I could get comments like: No, you can't invite those people to the same party, they hang out in different crowds!
I just love to talk to new people...and so does most of the Swedes I know too. But that's when you meet them one on one. Or in a different enviroment. But together in a group under very Swedish circumstances...well let's just say, it wouldn't be my favourite place to bring my american friends, or any non-Swedish friend, I'm worried they would feel very lonely.

Of course, there are always exceptions!! As well as at the party I was at. But generally, it's a pattern of different social codes, wich even the nicest people fall into. So do I. Sadly. But I'm trying to be aware so I could choose how I want to behave more. Not just being raised by the surrounding expectations, which can also be good to a certain extent.

Forest hand

Forest Hand

Found a photo that I took a few years ago. Noticing a theme. Hands seem to fascinate me so.

To grow up...

When I was a kid, around 4-5 years old, I wanted to spell my name. With a red crayon in my hand I started to write the letters down, but since this was a new world to me I wanted to check with my mum.
So: O-F-I-A right?
My mum nicely reminded me about the S.
No, no, no I explained, I wanted to wright MY name!
O, f, i, a.
Yes but my name started with an S she explained.
After some discussion it hit me. The world as I viewed it changed forever.
I was shocked. Insulted. Offended.
My mum, my very own mum, had given me a name that started with a letter I couldn't pronounce!
My name wasn't Ofia, it was Sofia!
That's just disturbing: I had to go through life with a name I couldn't pronounce! How could my own mum be so mean??

The reason I remember this might not be the shock (even if it was tremendous...hmpfh...) but can maybe be that this occurrence slowly led to the realization that I would learn more and more and grow and get smarter and smarter. I guess this hadn't really been of importance to me before.

And during the last few years I've slowly come to another of these world revolving realizations.

When I was 4 or 5 I came to terms with that my name was Sofia, I learned to even love that S in the beginning of my name, I learned to pronounce it pretty quickly, and I also realized that I would be like my mum one day: I would grow up, I would be an adult one day, I would learn more, I would know as much as she does.

And here I am. I'm grown up. I'm an adult. I've learned a lot. But here comes the sad realization: I will never be as smart as my mum!

I kind of waited for that day to happen. But it never will! She is and will always be the smartest woman I know! Smart as a mum, as a friend and as constant proofreader and thinker.

So ever since that day as a kid when I realized my disillusion I just replaced it with another one. Huh. Kind of sucks doesn't it?

Flashback...

I suddenly had a flashback and I don't really know if this is the right place to share this but why not? =)
I remembered how mean the boys could be. The meanest of them all (to me) weren't the boys in school that were harassing the girls. (Literally sexually harassing, and the teachers refused to listen, but that my friends is a different story.)
What I remember is how mean the guys who wanted something were. Really what they wanted I never really could figure out, because God forbid they would tell, but I've done my guesses. Maybe they fell in love, maybe they just wanted you to fall in love with them, maybe they just wanted a moment of attention. That far it's all really innocent and maybe even cute. What bothers me is what happens next. When they don't get that attention. No reaffirmation. No admiring. Then all of the sudden the nasty words and stories got spread like the winter flu. From mouth to mouth, those harsh words and stories. Silent treating or name calling. Maybe sometimes exaggerations but mostly straight out lies. That everybody wanted to believe, because the one to question would receive the same treatment.

When you sometimes started to get close to someone. Believing you're finding a friend. You got disappointed when they told you, or showed you, this wasn't enough. The disappointment wouldn't end there but escalate for every story you heard trying to attempt to damage your name and your person.

And the girls weren't much better themselves. Believing what they heard or pretending so to gain approval. Maybe using them to get what they themselves desired. Well all is fair in love and war as they say. And the line between love and war is often fine in that age.

If I would ever to complain about the way things went down...well, I usually couldn't. Because most of my so called friends saw this as something I should be flattered by, since I obviously wanted attention so much. (Why would I otherwise have done such a thing as TALKING to a GUY?) So trying to defend myself was bragging. If it all had started with someone showing interest in me I should be grateful. It seemed like the general opinion was that if you got that, it was worth whatever aftermath it might have. And if I ever tried to tell my version of what had happened it was obvious that since I cared so much it must have been me that was in love with the guy and not the other way around.

Well now afterwards when I'm older and I know the stories can't touch me I look back at this time nostalgically. A life so filled with drama explains why I never was too much into watching any tv-series. ;)

The times have changed. The girls are now women and good friends. But every once in a while I still meet so called men behaving exactly by the same pattern as those boys from long ago.

To me friendship have always been the most precious thing. If you're not ready for that you're not ready for any kind of relationship.

(Hmmm...If men treated women as humans and not as objects I don't think this would be much of a problem. )

You might get disappointed when somebody you like more than just as a friend don't want the same as you do, and it's ok to be disappointed...but how much do you really like a person if you are ready to punish them for not liking you exactly the way you want them to?

As I see it, the most attractive characteristic is being able to be a good friend. Even if you want something more and it doesn't happen at once, it's a good place to start. It might never happen but do you lose something in gaining an extra friend?
Anyways I'd prefer that than to gaining an enemy...which you are if you are telling lies and stories about someone just because they didn't want the same as you.

Tired tired thought

How bad can a pair of legs look? Time to stop the complexes and realize that if I don't crawl out of my jeans and put on the short skirt I'm gonna be sick from overheating. So I do and the pervs eyes me from top to toe, toe to top, I feel naked and uncomfortable. I'm not an object and I now know that my legs, or any other part of my body, is not for anyone to judge. Not even me, it's just my body, what makes me alive, not an object to judge by look. It's my tool, my instrument as a dancer and should be appreciated as such.

We all got complexes and we all got over exaggerated thoughts over how important our personal ugliness is but matter of fact is that almost nobody cares but ourselves. We all want to feel beautiful, and all we can do is to make the best out of what we got, and that should be enough to make us feel satisfied and relaxed.

Rainy Sunday (Big City Jungle)

The city does sleep sometimes.

On Sundays after the chaotic weekends.

Or maybe it's then the city truly is wakening.

Took a walk a rainy Sunday in May
This is what I saw that day

Health care

There's many obvious cons with the kind of health care they have in the US. But there are suppose to be a few pros with it. I've heard American doctors complain about the long waiting times in countries with health care for everyone. As I've understood it the few good things about the American system is that for those who have insurance the care you get is good care, and that there's not suppose to be any waiting times. I'm writing right now to kill both these myths. From own experience.

Last week I needed to see a doctor for very simple reasons. I've started feeling these pollen really bad and I just needed to get a prescription. It took me days and days to call around to try to find a doctor within the next week. Impossible. Finally I found a walk in clinic, but that doesn't mean I have received my medication yet. That's an even longer story but I think you already got the picture.

Also earlier I received a serious knee injury. The waiting times to see my doctor or just to communicate with him took longer than my actual rehabilitation. He wanted to do surgery. I saw another doctor for a second opinion that said that he didn't see any need for this type of surgery but wanted to do another surgery. Do I need to mention that they get paid more for every surgery they get to do?

I felt like a walking moneybag they were ready to dig in to, looking for reasons. I did not trust these doctors. Today I'm dancing without any pain in my knee. And I never had any surgery done.

This system does not benefit anyone but maybe only a few of the richest doctors or the very few richest people that been "lucky" to find a doctor they trust.

It's time for a change in this country. If I could vote I would vote for Hillary Clinton and for universal health care.

Time for some cheese =)

Just found my old quotes from different lyrics... and I think they're worth sharing here too.

Du blir så ensam när du drömmer grandiost
Du blir så hånad, bränd och blåst
/Lars Winnerbäck

Please respect my disrespect
/Deportees

The more I talk about it, the less I do control.
Everything, means everything.
Can't understand a word, half of the stuff I'm sayin.
/Phoenix

Och så en gammal klassiker:
Fortsätt o fortsätt o va dig själv,
fortsätt o fortsätt o va rebell.
/Ebba Grön

A few years ago a friend asked me what I wanted with my dancing, what was my goal. That is something that I constantly reevaluate. But at that time I just laughed and said my goal was to be best in the world. My friend claimed that it wasn't particular original to want to be best in the world.

To want to be original. How original is that?
To want to travel and see the world we're living in, to have good times, to learn so we can become better at what we do...isn't that dreams that most of us all have?
To do laundry and to do grocery shopping...how original is that? But to be able to find a joy in it, to make it something nice, that's original. It might take five extra minutes but makes none of the minutes wasted.
That is my goal. Not with dancing but in life. To surround myself with people that can stop and enjoy life even in the "small" things. That's how small can grow and become big. To surround myself with people that make me happy. To try to be one of those people...

Första maj!

Idag, på arbetarrörelsens högtidsdag, vill jag uppmana till att fortsätta kämpa för frihet, jämlikhet och syskonskap.

Runt om i världen idag sker många orättvisor: människor behandlas ojämlikt, förtrycks och rent av förföljs och mördas i krig.
Det finns dem som vill att vi ska blunda för allt detta. Istället bara delta i kapitalismens spektakel. Ta OS i Kina som exempel. Där förväntas vi fira en sportfest. Men låt oss istället ta tillfället i akt att uppmärksamma orättvisorna där. I Sverige idag firar vi att vi kan gå ut på våra gator, demonstrera, göra våra röster hörda tillsammans. I Kina är detta något du kan bli bestraffad och torterad för. (Som ett exempel av flera: http://www.amnesty.org/en/appeals-for-action/permission-denied-housing-rights-activist-prison)

Men även I Sverige har vi en lång väg att gå. I Sverige idag kan du bli straffad bl.a. för att du har ett handikapp, för att du är kvinna, för att du är invandrare, för din sexuella läggning eller kanske bara för att du är äldre. Straffad, inte genom tortyr och fångenskap tack och lov, men genom att inte behandlas som en jämlike. Metoden är pengar. Att sakta, eller i vissa fall svindlande fort, slå dig ut ur samhället. Vi måste värna om de metoder som istället finns för att lyckas hålla dig kvar i det. Utbildning för alla. Sjukvård för alla. När kommer tandvård för alla?

Välfärd är något vi i Sverige sakta utvecklar. Till följd av hårt arbete av folk som dagar som denna protesterat och höjt sina röster. Vi har kommit så långt som vi har för att vi lyssnat på dessa röster. Låt oss inte stanna nu. Låt oss fortsätta kampen. Låt inte en högerregering rasera detta. Låt inte en odemokratisk, kapitalistisk union rasera detta. Låt inte vår bortskämdhet att ta välfärden för givet rasera detta. Experimentera inte med liv, investera i det som vi vet på lång sikt är det enda lönsamma för vårat samhälle: en välfärd för alla. Frihet, jämlikhet och syskonskap. Ord som aldrig blir gamla. Men som kan utvecklas till att innebära mer och mer. Bli starkare. Tillsammans.
Tystna inte! Tala istället ännu högre och tydligare!

Idag, första maj, en vårdag. Låt det våras också för oss. För Sverige. För världen.

Med hoppfullhet, men också med insikt om att det tar hårt arbete, med en önskan om fred och rättvisa /Sofia

Sleep

Sleep. When I come home from dancing all day and stilled my hunger it is bliss to fall asleep and dream away. But still... I often dislike the need to sleep. I know the importance of dreams... It's just that every time I fall asleep I need to let go. To give up. It's surrendering. Because I have so many thoughts, so many ideas I wanna put into reality and when I fall asleep I have to let all that go. Maybe some ideas will be forgotten for ever. I'm not saying that they're necessarily great. But it's such a waste.

Tyckande

Läste just en artikel http://www.aftonbladet.se/kultur/article2357203.ab. Fastnade så för följande uttryck; "Men de rekryterades inte för sin kunskap, bildning eller sociala engagemang, som runt 1900, utan för sitt schvungfyllt brutala tyckande, vilket tidigare varit ett manligt privilegium."

...schvungfyllt brutala tyckande: Är det inte just så jag egentligen vill beskriva vad människor ibland värjer sig mot när de möter mig?
Det är tillåtet att som kvinna tycka och ha en åsikt. Nästan så att om hon inte visar det att hon kan betraktas som lite bimbo, för som kvinna ifrågasätts man mycket mer än som man. Men...ja, det finns ett men, hon ska tycka och tänka med måtta. Hon ska också äga de "kvinnliga egenskaperna" att kompromissa och vara ödmjuk. Att bara tycka med stor passion och självklarhet känner jag fortfarande är förunnat män. Inte officiellt kanske. (joo.) Men i sociala situationer. "Slappna av..." Det rynkas på näsan åt det. Det är för mycket. För ohanterligt. Men jag har aldrig någonsin haft som mål att vara hanterlig. Så jag har ju en förmåga att sätta mig själv i sådana situationer, då en diskussion startas. Jag kan förstå argumentet, även om jag inte håller med, att om det är en fest eller middag att vissa kanske inte vill ha för djuplodande diskussioner utan mer lättsam stämning. Det jag inte kan förstå är alla dessa irriterade känslor som ibland riktats emot mig i en sådan här situation, för aldrig, aldrig har det hänt mig att killen/mannen fått samma negativa respons!
Det är helt plötsligt MIN roll, inte killens, att kompromissa, ge med sig, runda av, avsluta. Jag känner ett ansvar som läggs på mig: diskussionen avslutas inte om inte jag tar initiativet till det, för helt självklart skall mannen få sista ordet!

Det är detta som ofta är jämställdhetens problem idag. Det outtalade men ändå klibbigt tydliga. Det förväntade.
Inga ord på ett papper. Så långt har vi kommit idag att vi börjat sätta upp regler och lagar mot diskriminering av kön. Attityderna är fortfarande ett problem. Inte alltid ord, kanske bara blickar och miner...

Boycott

I wish I was a better person. There are many things I try to avoid to buy. I always choose what I think is the better brand when I have a choice. But sometimes when I don't have a choice I cheat. But that's how the companies do it, because they know. They make sure that there's nothing other than their brand around. If there was a more organized movement around this I think I would be more disciplined for several reasons; I would know that there's others like me, I would feel like we're actually making a difference, may it be small....And also I would feel like I have more support.

I try to boycott Nestlé, but they own like a third of all products out there, so I'm probably buying it without knowing.

I would like more knowledge about this kind of stuff. Maybe the brand I choose because I think it's better is actually worse?

I try to boycott Coca Cola. But all of the sudden when I maybe ordered a drink I notice it's not Pepsi, but actually Coke. Some even say that Pepsi are as bad. I doubt that they are AS bad, and have actually never heard any proof that they would be worse than any other company, but as long as Coca Cola is around I choose the lesser of two evils.

I boycott McDonalds. Easy, I wouldn't wanna eat their food anyway. Especially not in NY where you have so many almost as cheap alternatives that tastes so much better and are so much healthier.

I boycott the Olympics in China.

And soon I'm gonna boycott negative thinking. Ha!

Sniff sniff sad

I went through all the stages of grief... first denial, then anger. But mostly just pure disappointment and sadness. My camera is not working! Such a travesty....
I think I'm addicted to that little thing. It helps me to catch a moment, a feeling. All those things I try so hard with when it comes to writing is sometimes so easy with a photo. "A picture is worth a 1000 words", or as we say in swedish: "a picture says more than a 1000 words" ...well it depends on the picture and it depends on the words.

Well now I need to be left alone to grieve. Buuäääähh ='(

It's art.

I love the subtly implied. The minimalistic greatness. That easiness that's so complicated to achieve. A logic based on emotions.

Ooh to find that...that's truly art to me.

The tale of how two "bad"s became one "good"

Took too long getting ready. So mad at myself. Missing the ONE class I care about tuesdays. My favourite teacher. Why am I always so slow. So out of energy. Grrr... And then a thought hit me. I hadn't even looked at the substitute schedule, what if..... And yes, she wasn't even teaching today! Ha, I didn't miss anything! I don't have to be so mad at myself.

(Still sucks that I'm not getting to take that class this week but I'll make it up in the future!)

Empire state building

The performance this weekend is really fun so far =)


And somehow it lead to this picture:

Svenska myter.

Näcken spelar oss i sjön och skogsrået leder oss vilse i skogen och älvorna vill inte bli sedda....kanske kanske är det inte för att vi svenskar är rädda för allt som myterna är som de är...utan kanske kanske är det en stilla insikt om att det vi tycker oss se är vackrast som det är, när vi tror. Granskar vi närmare och letar efter förklaringar kanske vi granskar sönder det vackra. Att ibland måste man låta vara. Låta växa. Inte för att det inte är sant om vi granskar närmare. Utan för att det kanske är precis som det är sådär på avstånd.

Godnatt. Godmorgon.

Why not?

It feels like I'm getting into a why-not-mentality right now. Things I before would have said no to, I now throw myself into. Not on the verge to stupidity. But it feels like I now have the energy to explore the twilight zone of my own boundaries. I'm confident enough to get involved in things I haven't tried before. As long as I'm not talking about drugs but mostly about art I think this is good for me. ;) I've always had periods when I've been braver than usual and expanded my views, but sometimes it's also good to stay in the safe zone, to build up a place to stay, to feel safe within, so you always have a place to go back to. And now when I have that safe place, it's time again to explore...to grow.

If any of these projects end up the way I want I'll present them here or link to them. If not....well then I'll just hope they will be soon forgotten mistakes with a lesson to remember. Maybe I'll even share that lesson.

Ideas

I have a lot of thoughts that I need to find time to write about here... coming soon.... I promise!

Unnecessary sleep

It annoys me... that some days are so short and my energy runs out so quickly. Life is too short to sleep it away and a day is way too short to do all the things I want to do. I want to take my classes, I wanna take some photos, I wanna eat some good food, preferably cook it myself. Then I wanna listen to my music and read some books, write my own texts and poems. I wanna see my friends and spend some time with my family, (even though most parts of it live too far away now =( ). I want to see those films I always said I wanted to see. And let's not forget about all those things that needs to be done, washing dishes, cleaning floors, doing laundry, wiping surfaces, sort those papers out and develop those film rolls before they get too old. Have I payed the bills, mailed the letters, returned all the phone calls, replied to the emails?
And when all that is done, new day, new ideas...

I guess prioritization and balance are words that I should pay attention to now.... bah.

Outer space and spaced out.

At first I didn't want this blog to be so much about my own person and happenings but more about my opinions on things... But to keep this blog going, for me not to feel limited, I think it has to be a little of that too here!

Today was a crappy monday, but this weekend was pretty entertaining! Saturday I saw the surface of the moon!! Two men with telescopes were standing by central park west, and everyone was free to take a look at the outer space. They had one aimed at the moon, wich was very bright that night! I saw the surface, the craters. It was the coolest thing I've seen in a very long time! And the other telescope was aimed at Saturn. I saw Saturn, a planet so far away, with it's beautiful rings and moons. Sooooo cool.

Yesterday, sunday, I was suppose to meet up with a friend. Her friend was producing a movie and he convinced us to be extras. So we we're hanging out at the set for hours... I ended up being one of the few that had to stick around for almost every scene they were filming that night. I highly doubt that I'm gonna be seen at all in the final result, but they also filmed over my shoulder so the back of my head might get 5 seconds of fame, ha ha. I think it's gonna be kind of you-tube quality, we'll see. It's like a comic democratic promotion video.

And today a friend called me and took me up on a almost forgotten promise to be in his production show. It's a performance this weekend already, and I have no clue what I'm suppose to do except dancing to some beats. Gaaah it makes me nervous when it's that un-organized.... and I'm un-prepared...but dancing to some beats, I guess I could handle that ;)

Here's some photos I took last week:

Music video... ;)

Thanks to J and R for introducing me to my new favourite music video!!! Hahahahaha....

Word: dancer.

A dancer on a stage. Like a word on a paper. One single word on an otherwise empty sheet. Just like that word the dancing is not only about that particular dancer on the otherwise still stage. It's about all the other words we refer to this word. It's about all those words we think are missing. The space. Space in time, space in room. Space inside us.

Maybe the words were never missing. By that single word being there, reminding us, all those other words come to us.

To me dancing and poetry have a lot in common. What makes a sentence poetry instead of just plain communication? What makes a movement dance instead of just a pedestrian action? I wouldn't say that there's a fine line in between. I would say both dance and poetry co-exist with the every day life. The movement of me putting on a shoe could be dance. Put the scenario on a stage and the struggle to make the shoe fit on the foot and the simple complication of the lacing can be a tragic but yet loving dance. Same things with words. Take the sentence your friend said yesterday. Pick it apart and let it stand by itself. Clearly poetry material. But if we never put that putting-on-of-the-shoe-thing on a stage? Does that still make it dance? Well I'm not the first one to ask that question even though I see it from a different angle: ...."if a tree falls in the forest and there's no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Sun and dance: PERFECT

Here's proof! =) Yesterday when I walked to my ballet session I took some photos of the trees that had started to bloom... A day with cold air but very warming sun….And today is even warmer, I’m excited to soon step out, even if I’m soon going to be swallowed up by the building that I call school. I’m even more excited about that though.

I’m tired and my body is tired and I’m dreading that warm-up but still nothing can hold me back!

Excuses

Ok I'm back! I will write more often in the future. But I've been visited by flue, cold 1, 2, 3 and 100, and when i took a walk from union square to times square this past Monday I noticed that the trees have started blooming so I guess that also explains this pollen allergic person's lack of energy...

But now the colds are over (I refuse one more!!)...knock on wood...and I'm back into dancing and thinking lots about art again...what art is, what dance is. My body is sore from training again, but if there is such a thing as good pain, that's what it feels like! =)

So for better (warm sun) and for worse (pollen) the spring is here, I can feel it. It wont be cold again. But more importantly it's here in a metaphorical way. Spring in my mind.
I love summer and beach and just the fact to be comfortable outside without layers and layers of clothes and the air doesn't hurt to breath is so wonderful and I can't wait. But at the same time I think spring is a rough season. I get slightly depressed. Worrying analyzing too much. Evaluating the year that's passed. The winter. Like the mind is waking up from it's winter hibernation.

But I guess I'm not alone in that feeling. At least Karin Boye's famous quote summarize the feeling. "Det gör ont när knoppar brister". (whats the translation?? it hurts when buds bloom???)

Is that what's happening to me when spring comes: I bloom? Ha! Sure feels like it. So many times I've heard, "and you're supposed to be from Sweden"... whenever I complained about the cold. I love snow. But even more I love a warm beach, being in the ocean....aaaaaah!

Now I have to hurry, I'm gonna go and take ballet class, he he

/Ballerina in the making

Slaves today

I've been thinking about something lately… I read my friend's friend's blog where she is, understandably, upset about how she has been called a “nigger”. It is very upsetting and uncomfortable to get proofs that there are still racists out there, which sadly however is not news. But this is not about that. This is about the question that was raised in my head, now when we're dealing with a choice between a white woman and a black man running for president. What if it was about being called a derogatory term, not for being black, but for being a woman?

To be racist is one of the worst things ever and I would not surround myself with people that don't think likewise. But would people be as upset if it was about a woman being called a “bitch”? Would people raise their voices? Would people be as careful about not being called sexist as they are about not being called racist?

You can argue that there's an awful history as a background for black people. But I asked myself, haven't women been slaves, just for being women? Truth is they have. And for longer than black men. They've been beaten. Murdered. Used as slaves in their homes. Used sexually. They're still being sold as sex slaves. It's still going on in the world today.

Still I doubt that it would rise as loud voices, as powerful protests, when a woman is being called a derogatory term. To be treated anything less than an equal human being is never, never, never acceptable. No matter whom you are.

More communication... =)

Don't throw stone in a glass house.
The one who digs a hole for others often fall in there themself.
The sin punishes itself.

Ms President

Where does this myth come from that Obama would be more left wing than Clinton? Is it because we're hoping it would be so? Because it would be easier to elect another Mr. President? But still feel good about breaking some standard?

The right wing USA accompanied by the US media hates Clinton. I think this hate come from a fear. A fear that she would actually make changes that would risk a lot of the capitalism the country is based on? The healthcare is an issue where this shines through.

And also...imagine all these white middle aged men...that would all of the sudden have a woman superior, Good Morning Miss...Mrs... Ms...Mme President!

Communication

The language is a mirror of the society we live in. As a Swedish person you might think that an Americanized country as Sweden does not differ that much from the US, when it comes to communicating. From knowing the English language and slowly being infiltrated by TV shows, films, music videos and commercial products I think we Swedes can adjust pretty easy to an American lifestyle. But there are things that I think we sometimes forget that the people around us do not understand.

In the Swedish language there are several expressions that reflect what we all are suppose to know and understand. Things we are taking for granted. Which also means we're taking for granted that everyone is taking it for granted.
If it's about serious things, like how if you’re sick you get cared for and if you're a kid you get to go to school, then I can more easily understand that there is a difference, because it's such a severe and obvious difference. When it comes to smaller things though, I sometimes forget about it. At those times various sayings in Swedish pop up in my mind. Some of them have their equivalence in English (that's probably were Sweden got them from) while others totally get lost in translation. Even those sayings that you can express another way in English come to me the Swedish way. Can you imagine the uninterested and totally confused look on people’s faces when I'm translating it word by word? Sure, some still make grammatically correct sentences, but the meaning disappears halfway when the familiar feeling of the well known stated reminds you of what everybody already is supposed to know.

=)

From everything bad comes something good.
Don't yell hi until you're over the river.
Small tussock often overturn big load.
Away is good, home is best.
It has to bent in time, what's going to be crooked.
Everybody knows the monkey but the monkey knows nobody.
All ways are good, except the bad.
The exception confirms the rule.
Butt against butt nothing can happen.
The one who opens his mouth for much, often loses the entire piece.
Or: The one who yells after much, often loses the entire piece.
Don't wake the bear that's sleeping.

=)

And I could go on forever...
But if it's this way with smaller things...what happens when values and opinions get lost in translation? What if there's not actually a word for the meaning you are trying to describe?
(And please help me out here...that's exactly one of the words I'm looking for: what's the correct translation for begrepp? Is there an equivalent word?)
The language and the way we're living is an entire concept, where it's hard if not impossible to divide one from another. It's building walls. But it can also, in one way, be seen as something very positive. Basically, we have a need for language as deep as our existence, and we're actually succeeding to communicate so well within the groups we form that, sadly, other groups would be rather clueless if they listened in.

I would think that it's not only a one way thing. We form the language after our way of life, our understandings, our knowledge and our opinions. But the language can also influence us. It can limit us. Or inspire us.

Limitations... In Swedish I would have to say a very clear limitation is the use of "man" (yes it means man) that is used to express anybody. (Compare with "one" or "you". "One could think..." "How do you do this?”) What both Swedish and English have in common is the expectation that the male word is the neutral word. That man means everybody. Woman just means women. ("One man one vote") Women slowly become more and more involved in the word man, but why aren't men more involved in the word for women? Once again it's the women that have to adjust to the frames of man. (Ten actresses and one actor is a group of.....actors?)

Do we need to change the language before we can change? Or can the language just express how little we've actually achieved? I do know that words matter, and they do affect us.