Swedish Sweden

This weekend that just passed was the Swedish holiday Midsummer. If you haven't encountered it before here's a short description:

We make a big phallic symbol out of grass, which we raise into the the ground. Then we dance like frogs around it. This is a family event, we bring food and have a picnic. It's also an excuse to get drunk. (We always need one.)


A thought about being a Swede, and being amongst them, at parties:

I haven't been living in Sweden for about five years. So I'm slowly starting to forget certain things... like why was it that I didn't like big crowds of Swedes again?? I was actually looking forward to Midsummer this year, to see some countrymen, yay.
The picnic was really nice in the evening sun in Battery Park. Lots and lots of Swedish people on blankets, eating, drinking, talking.
We got invited to some house party after this.
Sure, friends of my friends, must be fun!
So there we were, in this nice apartment with mostly Swedish people.
Then it slowly came back to me....how Swedes can be....
I'm aware that I'm being very general here, feel free to object.
I'm sure they all are very nice people....but when together they fall back into Swedish behaviour. It's hard to explain but...I'll try.
They stand in clicks. Talking to those they already know.
I don't really get the point of throwing a party if you are totally uninterested in getting to know new people.
You try to talk to the Swedes, and they shrug their shoulders without a smile.
It could be shyness. This is a common excuse. So then to make up for this shyness....you don't really want to admit that you have this Swedish characteristic, do you, you have to act like it's really because you're so...cool?
Ok to give you an example: They had a pool table. Some guys started playing pool, and did most of the night. My friend wanted to join. That didn't seem like a good idea. They said...hmmm...I dunno...Are you any good then?
It's a party.
Where people are suppose to have fun. (I thought)
Does it really matter if you're good or not??

This is just small things but all together it becomes a pattern of behaviour that I recognize to well from Sweden.
Sometimes, I remember back from Sweden, there were sometimes almost an obsession with not getting across new people. If I would throw a birthday party I could get comments like: No, you can't invite those people to the same party, they hang out in different crowds!
I just love to talk to new people...and so does most of the Swedes I know too. But that's when you meet them one on one. Or in a different enviroment. But together in a group under very Swedish circumstances...well let's just say, it wouldn't be my favourite place to bring my american friends, or any non-Swedish friend, I'm worried they would feel very lonely.

Of course, there are always exceptions!! As well as at the party I was at. But generally, it's a pattern of different social codes, wich even the nicest people fall into. So do I. Sadly. But I'm trying to be aware so I could choose how I want to behave more. Not just being raised by the surrounding expectations, which can also be good to a certain extent.